Meat….eat…..feat.

Sleep last night….below average. Bodyweight today….down to 69.0kg. Energy….below average. Workout…..high intensity in terms of effort, but quite a bit of rest throughout…….did 101 chest presses intermixed with 61 deadlifts. Then did 60 ab stuff and finished with 16 minutes of low intensity weight bearing cardio. Then, instead of eating afterwards….I walked for 30 minutes.

Then….the “fun” began. I ate my meat. 400 grams of mix. I think it’s about 79% fat / 21% protein…..0 carbs. (No organs, no eggs, etc.)

Wasn’t enough….and I know one reason why. I am overtrained at the moment. Today’s workout pushed it over the edge. Damnit. I know better than to do this. And I know what happens when I do…do it.

One reflection first. I “feel fatter” after the last refeed…..and so I’ll be sitting there feeling fatter….and then look in the mirror (I workout without a shirt most days….at least on the days I’m in my tiny gym). The thing is….I ain’t any fatter. Lol!! Weird to “feel it” but not see it. Also, the scale sure doesn’t show it. Weight has been going down (more than I want!). Either this is the direct effect of the CKD I’m on (let’s face it…..that’s what my diet has morphed into)……or I’ve been slowly losing lean muscle and replacing it with fat. Maybe a combination of both. One other reflection…..there is NO DOUBT…..that the high volume refeeds have expanded my stomach (doesn’t mean fatter….just means a bigger stomach cavity)……so that also is contributing to the psychological “I feel fatter” stuff.

OK…..enough procrastinating. Back to what happened tonight. I ate my 400 grams. Then I ate more. Let’s say about another 80 grams of lean meat….and 80 grams of fat. That’s up to about 2200calories. Then….I just didn’t stop. I shut down the lean meat…..but proceeded to literally eat over 300 additional grams of pure beef fat. Some from raw suet….some from raw beef marrow fat….some sawed off other lean meat cuts from my stash…..and unfortunately, at least 150 total grams (of the lean and fat) was the damn wild boar (pork!) that I bought a month or so ago. I should have thrown that shit out long ago!!

So….it was a shit ton of fat. Sorta’ like if you ate four sticks of butter and one medium to large size lean, raw beef patty. WTF????

Interestingly….I had fruit in the refrigerator (for next refeed)…..fruit and avocado and chestnuts in the freezer…..and glucose powder as well. I didn’t for a moment crave any of it. I just wanted more…..FAT.

My initial thoughts are…..there’s the chance I was mentally sabotaging myself. Fine. It’s a possibility. But I think more likely is….after seeing the damn scale say 69.0kg today (down from 70 yesterday)…..my mind decided it needed to take matters into its own hands. No more weight loss.

Smarter thing…..would have been for me to have stopped the training this cycle before things got so over the top. Overtraining begets poor sleep, which begets poor eating. Duh!!!

I’m curious…..the last time I overate on meat….it wasn’t as much fat…..it was more lean meat. I had “protein flu” the next day as I recall…..but no weight gain. However, caloric total was MUCH less, too. So…this time….I wonder how my tummy will feel tomorrow….and I wonder what the net impact will be on weight…..and I wonder if I’ll sleep well…..and I wonder if I will feel the need for a refeed still….with next one scheduled for 48 hours from now. Also, no chance to “burn it off” tomorrow….since it is….AND DAMN WELL WILL REMAIN…..a recovery day.

I want to weigh 70kg again (ok…..69.6 at the lowest)……on the day of (pre meal) a refeed). That’s my goal. But…..DAMMMMMMMMMNIT……I know that if I gain the weight as the result of a few binge meals….it will surely not be quality weight……and I will surely end up in sorta’ no man’s land as far as how I feel about the net result.

Two screw ups in three days. And even though this one didn’t include anything with which my body can make glucose…..for the luuuuuuuuuuuv of gawwwwwwwwwwd……I can’t imagine there won’t be some serious new fat being laid down over the next few days.

Must stop overtraining. It’s wrecking havoc on everything else.

4 sticks of butter…..(well, that’s the equivalent…..’cause I ate the same total but in the form of pure, raw beef fat). That’s some stupid shit.