PUFA’s…..cause of issues?

Well….I stuck to all beef today…..raw beef, raw beef fat, raw beef marrow fat. No PUFA’s at all. And I felt great! I didn’t sleep very well last night…but on the heels of two very wicked intense days of workouts….I’m ok with that. A day of recovery today….just 10 flights of stairs and a long walk…feeeeeeels so good and so well deserved when all the muscles are juuuuuuuuuust sore enough from prior days’ work to give you that “whew, I needed this day off” feeling. 

I bought some lamb today…..but, truth be told…..I also bought some durian and some organic almond butter (no salt, nuttin’ but….nuts). I’ve had a great second half of the week….weight is down to 1kg from the low I reached on this cycle (yes, 1kg lighter than yesterday)…..but I do see a bit of residual fat on my body from last Saturday’s sugar fest.

This has me leaning toward fructose for next refeed…..and I may do that as early as tomorrow (Friday) instead of Saturday. If I do…it won’t be at the restaurant….rather, it will be here at home. Deep down I know that would be better….and yet I’m not entirely committed to that plan yet. *sigh*

I’m a great loser!!

Who wouldn’t love to say that….lol!! But here I’m talking about weight loss. I’m also a great gainer…..talking about weight gain. I can do either one with ease. The hard thing for me is “maintenance”. Last Saturday….I achieved a level of weight, fitness, and overall “feel” that caused me to just want to switch to maintenance for a while. The thing is….I’ve never been able to “maintain”. Sure enough….within hours….literally hours….I blew it open with a carb fest. Two days later I stuck to no carbs but overate on calories.

So….now I’m about 1kg heavier….but, today’s deadlift and chest workout was AWEEEESOME!!!, and I ate only beef, beef fat, ox kidney, and beef marrow fat tonight. Two days in a row without pork. I’m not ruling pork out….I just wanted to go a few days without it…and then test it for a day or two by itself. So tomorrow I’ll do that. I think maybe (I hope not!) that the PUFA’s in pork are less optimal for me and my goals.

Really….instead of “maintenance”, I’m using this time when I’m so close to feeling great….to experiment with diet and workout changes. My greatest hope (and commitment) is to not allow any of the experiments to go so awry that they throw me into hellish losses of my overall fitness.

So far….all is well on that front. Only two more experiments to go. First, all pork tomorrow. Second, the refeed this weekend…..which I am (what a FLIP FLOPPER!!!!!!!) going to do fructose only. I want to be a fat burner. Period. So, excess fructose converts to fat, not muscle glycogen…..and while I don’t want to gain a ton of fat….I’d rather do it this way than deal with sugar (glucose) ever again. I hate that shit!!!!!!!!!!!

But what will that “mean” for the next refeed? I’m thinking about cheese and fruit and a few almonds and walnuts….with meat as the main course. Not sure yet.

It’s the carbs not the calories….duh!!!

Today I felt great. Great sleep last night….then today did a long walk…..then HIIT intervals on two different pieces of cardio equipment….then 200 reps of leg press, then 16 minutes low to medium intensity cardio. Purpose? To redeplete after last night’s meat fest. I will not be fooled into thinking that the amount of meat I ate last night….in such a short period….all went to muscle building or fat. Nope…..that’s protein’s dirty little secret that is backed by the sugar craving asshole. Something like 58% of that excess protein can…and likely under those circumstances would….get converted to……yup…..arrrrrrrrrgh…..GLUCOSE.

So….I aimed to treat today the same way I treat a redeplete after a carb heavy meal. I think it worked, too! I feel great as I prepare for bed. A bit hungry….but I like it that way!

Tonight I ate beef, beef marrow fat, and minced duck. No pork. Tomorrow may be a repeat of that. Not sure yet. Tomorrow also MIGHT (may need to wait one more day) be a killa’ workout of deadlifts, chest, abs, and light cardio. If so….then tomorrow night will be “the test”. Last Wednesday, after a killa’ workout….I ended up eating an unscheduled carb meal and felt a total loss of control. I’m hopeful that last night’s meat fest will effectively substitute for that….with the net result being one less carb meal for me per week from now on.

As for the next SCHEDULED carb refeed….not sure at all when, where, or what. My body doesn’t want to do fructose, and yet I’ve still got this not good feeling about most other carbs, too. Hmmmmm……

Nothing too bad……but too close for comfort

Today was an “uncomfortable” day. I didn’t sleep well….and was starving all night and day. Dammit. Residuals from the overfeed last Saturday…..too much of a workout yesterday…..still just overly depleted from weeks of hard exercise? I don’t know…..in fact, I have no idea at all.

I ate my apportioned meal (leftover salmon, pork ribs, beef, beef marrow fat)…..but then…..shiiiiiiiiiiit…..it happened. I just wasn’t full enough….didn’t feel as though I had consumed enough calories….and still felt like I was lacking something nutrient wise. Last week….this happened (for the first time in months)….and it turned into an unscheduled carb meal (fruit, nuts, coconut oil). This time…well….I ate about 400grams more pork and beef….and about 50 grams of pure, raw beef fat. All in all…..I think it was close to last week’s mid week “feed me more” meal in terms of calories….but I’m happy (relatively….definitely not absolutely) that I didn’t give in and eat carbs. I ate none. Fuck you again, sugar monster!

Even still….this is two days out of three where total caloric intake was pretty high. I wouldn’t say I’ve “blown it”…..but this is my notice to myself…..I’m on the precipice….and I need to regain the momentum I’ve had for the past month. Total impact on bodyweight this week? Not sure……I’ll decide after Friday morning’s weigh-in. Mentally, I’m prepared to have gained up to 2 kilos…..as long as when it’s all said and done….I still feel healthy, strong, and capable of doing whatever workout I choose.

Right now I feel bloated…..and a bit overtrained….although today was indeed a recovery day so fingers crossed for better sleep and better vibes tomorrow. That….and less calories!! 

You wanna’ train every day…..or give up sugar?

That’s what I think it’s gonna’ come down to for me. I’m probably wrong about that….but it’s how I feel in this moment. Today was great day in terms of sleep (overnight) and workout…..did what I hope will be used by my body as a re-depletion workout….though the quality of that deplete is suspect since I couldn’t do legs (which have lotttttts of the body’s glycogen stores) after yesterday’s monster leg workout. All in all, as you’d expect after a sugar mini binge….I had a ton of energy today. And I didn’t require much in the way of calories….I ate 200grams of beef, 7 grams of beef marrow fat, and two small salmon heads (250 grams total)…..I’m guessing less than 1k calories total.

So….my bodyweight was up today (duuuuhh!!!!!), and for some reason it feels more “permanent” this time, as if my “get out of jail free card” for the last two inconsequential refeeds might not have been honored this time. I’ll know for sure in about two more days.

I’m going to have to either stop training like a damn madman…..or I’m going to have to continue to eat more carbs than I’d like. Again, that’s just my current “gut feel”. Sugar is the devil to me….so dammit….I’m going to allow no more processed sugar and only 300 grams of fruit per refeed, plus up to 50 additional non sugar carb grams per refeed. That’s it. Everything else……fat or protein. Whatever training load I can handle on that…..I’ll learn to be at peace with.

Peace out. 

Voluntary sugar consumption (still not a good idea)

As has unfortunately become a trend on refeed days…..there’s good, bad, and ugly.

The good? The pre meal workout was incredible. I pounded my legs this week….several times….and yet today called for heavy work (with little glycogen in the tank). Somehow….even after struggling to walk up the steps to enter the gym…..after the first heavy set, things “kicked in”….and the rest of the leg, calf, shoulder, abs, and short cardio went by like a dream….amazing! I’d be worried that the energy boost came from my body breaking down muscle for fuel…but my overall strength, size, and bodyweight suggest otherwise. For now….I’ll just accept that it’s “all good”.

The bad? I decided earlier today to change the plan and go for veggie only carbs….meaning, no fruit, no fructose. But I was going to allow for some nuts. Since I’m doing two refeeds a week now….I was hoping to get by without fruit for at least one of the two meals. Well…I did good for a while tonight. I ate lamb, lamb fat, shrimp, tuna, duck egg, salmon, salmon fat, oyster, scallop, squid, octopus, pork, beef, beef fat, duck (truly, not much of each of all of those….probably 300 grams total)….zucchini, eggplant, mushrooms, and cauliflower for carbs….and two coconut based curry sauces and one bowl of plain coconut milk…..dipping all the previous stuff in those three bowls of curry / coconut milk. Yum!!

But then….I just decided to have “dessert”. I wasn’t playing a mental game with myself. I didn’t say, “only a bite”….nope. I truly, consciously….decided….to indulge. I ate about 70 grams of chocolate, 100 grams of caramel covered macadamias, 150 grams of fruit (papaya, lychee, cantaloupe), and about 60 grams of bluuuuuueberry cheeeeeesecake (no crust). Then I washed it all down with about 350 grams of ice cream (most of that being coconut milk based with 6% sugar). So….all in all, I ate sugar and fructose, plus veggies….as carb sources…..but did stay completely away from grains, bread, etc.

The ugly? Well….I felt really good until the ice cream. That was probably where I should have drawn the line…..lol!!! Let’s see….just eying it….let’s call “dinner” about 1,700 calories….and dessert about 2,300 calories…for a total of 4,000 calories. Had I been keeping track in the moment….I would have passed on the ice cream and come in about 3,000 calories and really not been pissed. As it stands….I’m…..well….just a weeeeeeeee bit pissed. So it was “ugly”….yes…..but nowhere near as bad as my true binges were in the past (10k calories in a sitting)….and this wasn’t even a “binge”. It was a conscious, albeit less than stellar decision to eat what I ate.

I’m not going to bother writing much about how incredibly fit I felt after the workout today….or how the shirt I wore “fit” me the same way it did when I first wore it 7 years ago (yes, ladies….I wore a 7 year old shirt today….eeeeeeeeeeew!!!!!). I was almost overcome with emotion when I caught a glimpse of just how fit I looked today. That NEVER happens….it was surreal.

Well…..the “surreal” will “sure real” have to wait a few weeks while I work off tonight’s celebratory (over)indulgence. Lol!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

My guess? Tomorrow I’ll feel like crap and be back here writing and concluding that fruit is the best way for me to go. Physiologically I think this may be true….since it will fill my liver with glycogen, but not my muscles. (Excess fructose, unlike sucrose……turns to fat instead of first trying to fill muscle glycogen reserves.) I like the idea of running my muscles on fat, ketones, triglycerides, etc……anything but glucose.

I’d also guess there will be repercussions in the form of sugar cravings in the next 24-72 hours.

I’m ready for it, though. I’ve worked too hard to get back to where I feel I am in my fitness to not be able to both celebrate with one not that incredibly bad meal….and two, to then get right back “on it”.

So…a warning to you sugar demons, sugar cravings, and sugar addiction. Don’t fuck with me. Tonight I was screwing with YOU….not the other way around! Got it? 

An hour after I posted this….here’s one more thought. I was reflecting on the “yummy rating” of everything I ate tonight. Perhaps surprisingly…..the highest score went to the fatty lamb, which was roasted to perfection and just delicious! The lowest score? The ice cream…and next would be the chocolate.

Mental note to self: Remember these ratings, dammit!! Eat meat. 

Fructose test….tomorrow

Today was a nice recovery day….just a long walk. I ate pork, beef, beef marrow fat, and minced duck. Total calories was less than expenditures.

My bodyweight is back to unchanged after Wednesday night’s carbish meal. Not sure what that means yet. I also don’t have any residual muscle soreness from two days of high intensity (only one day heavy) weight training. I had expected more “consequences”….and to be sure, they may still be coming…but I’m not seeing or feeling them.

Tomorrow, I will do a depletion workout and then have my next “mini refeed”. Fingers crossed that “mini” is the right way to describe it. I also have planned (ahhhhhhhh….always easy to plan, right?) a high rep redepletion workout for the next day, so it’s ultra important that I don’t overdo the refeed to the point where I can’t do the following day’s workout.

Theme for tomorrow’s refeed….fructose. Let’s put it to the test. Only fruit and fructose heavy veggies for carbs….and some coconut milk and / or coconut oil for MCT’s. Ideally, I’ll skip anything more than just a feeeeeeeeeeeew peanuts….well, bullshit, ideally I’ll eat NO peanuts, but for some reason I’m not willing to commit to that yet. Small victory, I didn’t buy peanut butter today in advance of the refeed. Lol!!

Tomorrow….train hard…..then fructose fun, baby!!

Feels bad to feel this good….sorta’

Today was a weird day. Perhaps looking back it will be a blip…..perhaps it will prove transformational. Not sure which, if either, will be the case.

I slept sooooooooooo well last night, and today for whatever reason….presumably the newfound glycogen from last night’s unscheduled carb meal (wasn’t reeeeeally that many carbs….just a shit ton of total calories)……I felt like working out. It was going to have been just a quick HIIT cardio day or even a day off….but that didn’t “feel right”. And it wasn’t a feeling of guilt that was driving it….I can tell the difference between that and the true, genuine desire to workout.

So….I did a quick tabata interval first (something I never do if I’m going to lift afterwards)…..just to see if my feeling would change after that. Nope. So I decided not to go heavy on anything….but rather to do sort of a depletion workout. Difference is….this one was 17 hours after the carb meal instead of immediately preceding it.

The workout was unreal. I had tons of energy….and just kicked butt.

Then I ate salmon (the 2nd of the two salmon heads I bought last weekend), pork, and beef. All in all probably only about 1,300 calories in all. I wasn’t “full”….but I didn’t feel the need to eat any more….and it actually feels “right” to go to bed a bit hungry tonight. So I will.

Tomorrow….definitely a day off.

The big thing now is….I have to deal with the fact that I felt this “good” after doing something that I characterized as “bad” last night (the food I ate). There’s a chance that I will, instead of a once a week overfeed (let’s face it….that’s what they’ve become)…..I will do multiple refeeds that hopefully can be contained. Not sure yet. I want to see what the “net impact” on how I look, feel, and weigh…..is….from last night’s meal. I won’t know for sure for another 2 days or so.

But….for whatever reason…..tonight I feel and look ripped. That said, I’d bet my body hasn’t finished making “new fat” out of the excess calories from last night….and things may look different once it has.

Final note……out of everything I ate last night…..only 3 things really “tasted good” in the sense of my body seeming to want them. Peanut butter, coconut oil, and durian fruit. The almond flour….nope. The peaches and fig….nope. The almond candy bar….nope. The honey….nope.

Perhaps I should blow off restaurant refeeds altogether….and just give my body what it needs whenever it needs it. What a concept, eh? 

Failure….carb binge

….but I saved $50 at least. Funny. Not.

I saw it coming this time. I noted previously that I’ve felt “hunger” this week like I haven’t for a long time. And I was prepared to handle it by upping the calories today….more meat, more meat fat….as much as it would take.

Well….after a wonderful workout earlier….I came home and ate my alloted portion of beef, beef fat, pork, and minced duck. It was almost as if I knew that wasn’t gonna’ cut it today…..and I ended up giving myself the “green light” to eat more. About 400 grams more. Sheesh.

That would have been fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine with me. But for whatever reason…..and this is the first time it has happened in a long time…..the “uncontrollable carb craving, sugar addicted monster” awoke inside me. I didn’t put up a good enough fight. I’m not even sure I tried. Failure.

I ate…..a lot. 160 grams of peanuts / almond flour. 60 grams of an almond / honey candy bar. 50 grams of honey drenched honeycomb. 200 grams fruit (durian, fig, peach). 250 grams fried salmon skin. 25 grams coconut oil.

Gawwwwwwwwwwd…..I hate even typing that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Total damage….just eyeing it……looks to be about 4,800 calories for the day. Total processed sugar….about 15 grams.

4,800 calories is less than half what my prior “all sugar” binges were…..no shit. 10,000 easy over 5 hours.

But….4,800 calories is probably among the highest of my recent “refeeds”. And this one wasn’t supposed to have happened at all.

So….I saved $50…’cause now I don’t have any right to go to the restaurant on Saturday night. Great. I’m sure I’m happy about that…..lol!

But more importantly….I know where my “bottom weight” is. I hit it last week the day of the refeed….and I hit close to it again today….before the unscheduled binge.

I need to honor that weight (whenever the heck I get back to it….will probably take a week or so…..*sigh*)….and I need to consider that I allowed myself to get waaaaaaaaaay overtrained in the past 10 days.

The worst thing about binging after a stretch of overtraining is…..it takes a lot longer to work the additional weight off….because regardless of what you ate for the binge…..your’e STILL OVERTRAINED!! YOU NEED REST!!

Drat…..drat…..drat.

Hungry

Today I’ve felt hungry all damn day. Drat! I ate a bit extra tonight…..the last of the roasted duck, raw beef, beef marrow fat, pork ribs, beef…..and am hoping that this along with a recovery day today will bring about less hunger tomorrow. If it doesn’t…I’m not willing to screw up how far I’ve come by risking a “non meat only binge”….so I’ll bump the meat calories up again tomorrow.

I’m where I want to be…..and I ain’t riskin’ it on an untested notion of what caloric intake on any one day should be. My body wants more meat and fat? Fine! Anything is better than an eventual, unavoidable binge from overly restricting calories for too long, right? Right?