Gone fishing

Not exactly….but to the same end. I need a bit of time to review my posts from the past 100+ days….and to review what I’ve been feeling and thinking over the past two weeks.

Something is out of place…..and it’s contributed to over a week of eating weirdness….including last night’s “eat like an asshole” outcome that totalled something near 7,500 calories…..followed up with tonight’s no carb fat binge.

Something ain’t right…..but it won’t be not right for long. 

Week of dumb?

Yup. Not just in terms of the eating I did. It also applies to my capability to “sense” the impact of what I’ve done (the wreck of detour days), the impact of the changes I’ve made (more meat, less fat), and the best path to choose moving forward.

Sleep last night. Nada. Yuck.

Bodyweight today……72.2kg. No loss.

Food tonight…..a bit less than yesterday. 500 grams leanish beef, and then only about 20 grams of beef fat…..supplemented by 40 grams of extra virgin olive oil. I wanted to try some MUFA’s to see if it brings any different result in satiety, sleep, or performance (tomorrow).

Workout today….2 sets of HIIT Tabata cardio (one on stairstepper, one on rower)……100 pushups, 100 air squats, 50 ab stuff, 24 minutes medium intensity on elliptical, 24 minutes medium intensity on bike. I felt totally “glycogen depleted”….but also didn’t feel like I was burning fat for energy. Worst of both worlds. Then….juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust toward the end of the elliptical…..and for the rest of the workout (the bike)….I started sweating like a maniac….and the energy went UP. Is that the transaction back to fat burning? Dunno’. And funny thing is….I’m doing a refeed tomorrow so that may stop again anyway. *sigh*.

Why a refeed at this point? Because I’m not going more than 3 days of meat only between refeeds unless….unless….unless….I hit a bodyweight of 73.5kg 72 hours after a refeed. Instead, I will continue on my former plan….and let the 1.5-2 kg of “extra weight” work itself off as I go. Starving myself….like in the past…..not gonna’ do it. 

Read my lips…..no more starving. Lol!! 

Refeed tomorrow. I had it all mapped out in my mind……a “home meal” with all veggies, fat sauces on noodles (olive, macadamia / walnut, maybe a pesto….etc.), and then the balance of carbs as pure glucose powder dissolved in the veggie cooking water and consumed over the course of the multi hour meal. Sounded pretty fun!!

Then I remembered…..one of the restaurants I go to is having a “special night”…..curries from around the world…..Thai, Indian, African, Japanese. Sheesh…..I love curries….so….I made a reservation for tomorrow night. Ideally, I’ll not eat like a complete asshole. Note….this is one restaurant where I’ve managed to conusume as low as 2,800 calories on a refeed in the past month or so. Fingers crossed……and mouth literally droooooooooling over the curry concoctions to come!

Depletion workout tomorrow…..hoping for juuuuuuuuuust enough “fumes” to get through some higher rep stuff…..and then hoping for a glycogen fueled heavy ass workout the day after tomorrow’s refeed.

That’s the…….plan.  (I feel like an asshole even saying that…..and will until I get back to sticking to my damn plans!!!)

More meat, less fat….huh?

Last night….problems again. Halfway through the night I woke up and binged on beef fat. WTF?? I haven’t eaten anything in the middle of the night for…..sheesh…I can’t even remember how long. In fairness it probably ended up being about 150 grams or less….so total calories for the day was still about 2,500.

The interesting thing is…I slept not just well….but “deep” after that. Noted!

Today….recovery day.

Food? I’m trying something new. I ate 650 grams of lean beef (let’s say 24g protein, 4 grams or less of fat….per 100 grams). That’s about 860 calories…..and about 155 grams of protein. For the past few months….on my meat days I have only been eating 75-80 grams of protein per day. Maaaaaaaybe I need a bit more than that if I plan to continue exercising like a crazy man? 

That meal was in two parts. The first 550 grams was about 3 hours ago. Just now I ate the other 100 grams. The plan is to follow this up with 40 grams of beef fat in about 2 hours….just before bed. Total calories would be about 1200-1300 for the day….62 grams of fat, 155 grams of protein. Much closer to 50% / 50% protein to fat……as opposed to the 80% fat I was doing the past few weeks.

I’ll try this for today…..and see what tomorrow brings.

Today’s bodyweight was 72.2kg….but after last night’s fat binge….and today’s lack of robust activity….I’d expect a bit of gain when I weigh in tomorrow, but I’m also hoping that tomorrow is the “high mark” after this past week of “detoured” eating. From there….wherever it is…..I’ll look to ease back to 70.0 kg…..by enjoying the journey and still doing scheduled (and disciplined!!) refeeds along the way.

If, however, the 50/50 ratio leads to sugar cravings (from lots of protein to glucose conversion)…fat gain….or sleep issues….then I’ll start upping the fat again.

The day after the “last day” is tough

Slept well last night…..that’s a week of more good nights than not. Trouble is…it was the week of multi 5k calorie day fruit and crap binging. So…..cause and effect or not….it’s not sustainable if it’s based solely on that kind of eating. I’d rather just not sleep if that’s the case….lol!!

Workout today was fantastic. Three ass kickin’, CNS taxin’, heavy weights liftin’….workouts this week. Figgered I’d put that constant resupply of glycogen to use. Hopefully used up a good deal of it today. Did heavy chest, heavy dips, medium triceps and then 32 minutes hi RPM / medium intensity on the bike. New PR on chest press (machine).

Bodyweight…..exactly the same as yesterday…..73.2 kg. But…..but….but…..that could be the result of a well timed “elimination” just before weighing in. I truly believe I may see something closer to 75kg tomorrow…before the “drainage” of water weight starts to kick back in. Upon reflection….I think I could have handled things up to BEFORE last night’s “final detour meal” without much permanent effect. Today felt a bit different. I think I’ll have some work to do to get back DOWN to 70.0kg. One more sign that consciously or otherwise….I seem to always try to put myself in a position of having to “gain” or “lose”…..and never one of just being able to maintain. Let’s get to 70kg….and then keep ‘er there!!! Maaaaaaaaaaintaaaaaaaaain!!

The day after the final day of a multi day binge is hard. The body doesn’t accept the decision to cut off the glucose goodies. Today was no different. I ate 370 grams of leanish meat mix…..then went for more…..then went for more. Sheesh! I think all in all I was still under 700 grams….but I need to be closer to 500. I’m hoping tomorrow will be better….easier…..to get back to “normal”, which for me means able to stop eating when I should.

Sleep tonight? Fingers crossed!!!!!! Eyelids drooping!!!!!!! Nite!!!!!

Done with the detour…..not sure about damage

OK….slept soooooooooo well last night….woohoo!! Decided to weigh in and workout today. Weigh in…..heaviest in a looooooooong time….duh!! 73.2kg.

Workout…..new PR’s on deadlift for reps. Strong like bull!! (More like….strong like glycogen fueled sugar binger!!!)

Then…..went to buy “anything I wanted”…..for one more day of off plan, eat like an asshole food.

I ate…..about 200 grams of raw beef and 50 grams beef fat…..250 grams of mackerel…..100 grams of oysters…..200 grams of almond butter……200 grams raw honey…..100 grams of honeycomb wax…..400 grams pomelo……400 grams jack fruit……800 grams green grapes……400 grams guava……450 grams boiled veggies…….70 grams glucose powder……30 grams coconut oil…..30 grams olive oil.

Looks like about 5k calories.

Geez….I can put away 5k calories like it’s nuttin’. Scary.

And….that’s it!! Done with this detour. I ate everything I wanted……and actually a bunch of shit I didn’t end up even liking. I’ll assume that tonight put on another 2.5kg of mostly temporary weight. My guess…..once all the water goes away…..let’s say 72 hours from now or so….the net impact of this week of gluttony will be that I go from 68.4kg to 72.4 kg. Yup…..8.8 pounds of “permanent” weight. We’ll see. Goal is 70kg for maintenance….so whatever the case….that’s what I’ll be aiming to end up at, say, 3 weeks from now.

I’m working on revising my plan moving forward…..maybe something like a modified PSMF instead of a CKD…..

Day 1 = 2,250 calories….carby, HIIT, hi reps day

Day 2 = 450 grams leanish beef (80% lean, 20% fat….about 260 calories per 100grams)….1300 calories total, heavy weights….CNS day

Day 3 = 450 grams leanish beef…..1300 calories total, recovery day

Total for cycle…..4850 calories…..average of 1,615 per day. 225 total grams of carbs per cycle (44.4% of total calories on the carby day……and average of 75 grams of carbs per day of the 3 day cycle). 310 grams of protein per cycle…..average of 103 per day. 301 grams of fat per cycle….100 grams per day. FBI for cycle……..= .78….macros…56% fat, 25% protein, 19% carbs.

Not bad, eh? You can see that if I go with this plan…..I will be increasing total protein per day….and reducing total fat per day. I think I’d like to try that for a bit. Lots of reasons. And….no harm, no foul….if it doesn’t produce better sleep, energy, mental sharpness, and workout performance….I’ll change things again!!! 

Not sure when to “start” this next cycle. Perhaps tomorrow….or, perhaps a day of recovery (from both workouts and from gluttony!!!!) first? I’ll figger’ it out tomorrow once I see if I feel less bloated / crappy than I feel right now as I head off to bed.

Detours……not necessary. Not “consequence free”. And not to be fretted about once they’re done!!!!

Mine……..done. 

I made a bed of yuck….and now I’m left to lay in it

I’d say, “I don’t know what happened”…..but I do. I reached the breaking point of overtraining and undersleeping. Not all of the sudden….not just for a moment in time……not at all. I’ve been in that state for weeks. I knew it….but tried to deny it to myself.

Last night….the wheels came off. I “beef fat binged” to a sick degree (hundreds and hundreds of grams)…..and tonight I binged again……ate a shit ton of fruit…..pesto sauce, avocado, olives…..and then stood there like a complete asshole and ate glucose powder and coconut oil straight out of the containers. Sick…..sick….sick.

Two day caloric total….no idea. At least 12k calories. I feel like you might suspect I do. Like crap.

I’m going to eat peanut butter tomorrow….just ’cause.

Then….I’ll figger’ it all out on Friday or Saturday.

Yuck.

Eating based on today and tomorrow….not yesterday

Sleep last night? Best in recent memory….I woke up not even knowing what planet I was on. Lol!!

Bodyweight? Well….I’ll chalk it up to water weight fluctuations….’cause I was 70.2kg today, which is only .2kg more than the day after last refeed (and there have been three waaaaaaaaaay high calorie days in the four that passed since that last refeed)…..and is only .6kg higher than yesterday’s pre refeed meal weigh in. Let’s see where it REEEEEEEEEEALLY is in 72 more hours (morning of next refeed….pre meal).

Workout today? Awesome! I am getting back to what worked well a month or so ago. The final “depletion” workout will be a low CNS taxing workout (but high intensity and totally depletionary!!)….so that the “day after” redeplete can be a super strong….glycogen fueled….ass kicking workout. Today was exactly that. 100 leg press with a new PR weight. 50 standing dumbell shoulder press…..50 bent over lateral raises…..50 abs…..16 minutes of high intensity bike (high RPM, too).

Food today? Well….I was going to try for a reduced intake because of my perception of overeating three of the past four days…..but ya’ know what? I kicked my ass today in the workout….and that means….I need protein. So, instead of 395 grams of meat mix…..I upped it….and ate a total of 470 grams…….all raw of course……about 80% fat (maybe closer to 70% today).

I’m going to eat according to “today and tomorrow”……be it meat day or refeed…..and not ever worry about trying to “undo” any “yesterday’s mistakes” (or MISPERCEIVED MISTAKES!!)…….until the scale tells me I am “permanently” (in context of weekly time period) close to 70.0kg. Deal? Yup! 

Too much to eat….but not too far gone

Sleep last night. No. Lol! Really bad.

Bodyweight today 69.6kg (but I drank a lot of water throughout the night last night).

Workout today…..awesome. Loved it! Intense, non monotonous, challenging….and done! Jogged 10 minutes, did Tabata HIIT on stairstepper, 50 leg extensions, 50 leg curls, 50 calf raises, 50 leg raises (for abs), Tabata HIIT on rower, 50 lat pulldowns, 50 overhead tricep press…..then 30 minutes low intensity on the bike. As for running home. Nope. Wasn’t in the cards. No run / walking. Nuttin’. Just walked my whooped ass home….lol!!

Went to the restaurant….it did not disappoint! Wow! I pasted below everything I ate…..and I was conservative by adding an extra 440 calories in “miscellaneous”. With that included…..it was well above….meaning TOO DAMN MANY….calories…..2,900. That could have been eeeeeeeasily and comfortably reduced by at least 400 or so…..just by skipping some of the odds and ends of dessert crap. That said….I wanted to eat that stuff…..so I did. 

But THAT said…..for the past 3 refeeds….I’ve noticed that my “satisfaction rating” with the meal actually peaks during the dinner portion. This whole “dessert thing”…..even just fruit based or fat based (coconut ice cream, whipped cream, nuts, etc.) just detracts from the feeling of health and replenishment.

Next tweak to refeed? Just do “dinner”….no dessert at all. But beef up the dinner as far as carbs. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…….tonight’s carbs? 277 grams total….36% of the total calories. Fat was 47%. Protein was 17%. The macros, once again…..were pretty well in line. Just should have skipped the sugary shit. (Again, however, I’ll say that I chose to eat it….and it was sooooo well prepared by the chefs….amazing!)

So…..3 high calorie days out of the last 5…..and I can feel an expanded stomach, and saw the extra bodyweight today on the scale. Panick time? No way. Not this time. Never again, actually. I’m going to just “do things right” on this 3 day meat / water cycle…..no “starving myself”, etc. Tomorrow I’ll likely (if I can do a redeplete….I’m pretty well toasted today as far as muscles)….eat 450 grams of meat mix. That’s a lot more than the usual “day after”…..but I think I need this better balance of more on meat days so I don’t feel the need to eat more (crap) on refeed days. An “all dinner / no dessert” refeed….to be honest….seems like something I’m not ready to do yet.

Ahhhhhhhhh…..but that’s the cool thing, too! Now it’s a challenge!!!!!! MUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!! 

Calorie Information

Amounts Per Selected Serving

%DV

Calories

2936

(12292 kJ)

147%

From Carbohydrate

1071

(4484 kJ)

From Fat

1374

(5753 kJ)

From Protein

492

(2060 kJ)

From Alcohol

~0.0

(0.0 kJ)

amaretto truffle
0.34  x Custom Food (100g)

Candies, peanut brittle, prepared-from-recipe
0.18  x 100 grams (100g)

Cheese, goat, soft type
0.14  x 100 grams (100g)

Cherries, sweet, raw
1.3  x 100 grams (100g)

Cream, whipped, cream topping, pressurized
0.35  x 100 grams (100g)

Crustaceans, crab, blue, cooked, moist heat
0.3  x 100 grams (100g)

Curry sauce
0.4  x Custom Food (100g)

Desserts, egg custard, baked, prepared-from-recipe
0.36  x 100 grams (100g)

Fish, herring, Atlantic, pickled
0.11  x 100 grams (100g)

Fish, tuna, fresh, bluefin, raw
1.9  x 100 grams (100g)

Ice creams, vanilla, rich
1.9  x 100 grams (100g)

Konjac noodles
2.1  x Custom Food (100g)

merengue cookie
0.18  x Custom Food (100g)

miscellaneous for 9-15-08 meal
4.0  x Custom Food (100g)

Mollusks, oyster, Pacific, raw
0.8  x 100 grams (100g)

Mollusks, squid, mixed species, raw
0.8  x 100 grams (100g)

Nuts, walnuts, english [Includes USDA commodity food A259, A257]
0.27  x 100 grams (100g)

pesto sauce
0.4  x Custom Food (100g)

Plums, raw
1.3  x 100 grams (100g)

Pomelo
0.13  x Custom Food (100g)

Raspberries, raw
0.3  x 100 grams (100g)

seaweed noodles
3.9  x Custom Food (100g)

Strawberries, raw
1.3  x 100 grams (100g)

tapenade, anchovy
0.15  x Custom Food (100g)

tapenade, olive
0.08  x Custom Food (100g)

Veggies at buffet, assorted (not including oils or butter)
7.0  x Custom Food (100g)

Day after fat binge

Slept reeeeeeeeeally well last night….and notably, much more intense dream states.

Felt like crap first thing today. Just whooped. Every muscle was sore or ached. Sound familiar? Well….it sorta’ felt like the protein flu from a month ago. So….I disregarded the feeling….and went for a walk. Lots of stairs…..lots of walking…and an average of 15 pounds in my pack.

After the first two hours…..things started to change for the better. Muscles loosened up a bit….but, to be fair, are still sore as heck (specifically, chest and hams).

A few more hours….felt even better.

Came home….ate only about 210grams of meat mix….that’s all I felt I needed.

Going to bed soon….hoping today’s low caloric intake doesn’t screw me on sleep quality. C’mon…..after the multi-hundred grams of fat yesterday…I shouldn’t neeeeeed anything more than I ate today. Heck, I probably could have done even better with a total fast.

Tomorrow….if all goes according to plan…..*sigh*…..I’ll deplete (less CNS, more HIIT and reps)….then go to a new restaurant (the last one was the devil!!! Lol!!) that I scoped out today for a refeed. The meal will be lots of my noodles with three sauces (tomato, pesto, not sure of the third), lots of veggies (looks like they are not drenched with olive oil, so I’ll have more options as to what fat to eat them with…yum!!), raw seafood, oysters!!!!!, and then….I think….not positive….but I think I’ll go for 400 grams of fruit….but only fruit that I bring…no high fructose stuff…..I’ve got strawberries, cherries, and plums…..and I’ll mix with glucose powder, fresh made whipped cream, and probably goat cheese….and maybe a few walnuts.

A part of me is sorta’ asking the rest of me to take one more day off tomorrow…..and I promised that part that I would consider the request…in earnest….once I wake up and take “body feel inventory”. If that does happen…..everything just moves one day back.

Bodyweight today….as expected…..no loss…..stayed exactly 69.0kg. I fully expect the two hyper calorie meals in three days to result in a bump back to or toward 70.0kg.

My commitment……next time I “binge”….I will look first toward addressing the cause (was I overtrained? need more rest? not sleeping well? not fully replenished on carbs? too high…or too low….fat % in my meat mix?)…..before I give a single thought to addressing the “impact of the meal”.

Sleep gods……hear my prayer. Gimme’ some zzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s.  

Meat….eat…..feat.

Sleep last night….below average. Bodyweight today….down to 69.0kg. Energy….below average. Workout…..high intensity in terms of effort, but quite a bit of rest throughout…….did 101 chest presses intermixed with 61 deadlifts. Then did 60 ab stuff and finished with 16 minutes of low intensity weight bearing cardio. Then, instead of eating afterwards….I walked for 30 minutes.

Then….the “fun” began. I ate my meat. 400 grams of mix. I think it’s about 79% fat / 21% protein…..0 carbs. (No organs, no eggs, etc.)

Wasn’t enough….and I know one reason why. I am overtrained at the moment. Today’s workout pushed it over the edge. Damnit. I know better than to do this. And I know what happens when I do…do it.

One reflection first. I “feel fatter” after the last refeed…..and so I’ll be sitting there feeling fatter….and then look in the mirror (I workout without a shirt most days….at least on the days I’m in my tiny gym). The thing is….I ain’t any fatter. Lol!! Weird to “feel it” but not see it. Also, the scale sure doesn’t show it. Weight has been going down (more than I want!). Either this is the direct effect of the CKD I’m on (let’s face it…..that’s what my diet has morphed into)……or I’ve been slowly losing lean muscle and replacing it with fat. Maybe a combination of both. One other reflection…..there is NO DOUBT…..that the high volume refeeds have expanded my stomach (doesn’t mean fatter….just means a bigger stomach cavity)……so that also is contributing to the psychological “I feel fatter” stuff.

OK…..enough procrastinating. Back to what happened tonight. I ate my 400 grams. Then I ate more. Let’s say about another 80 grams of lean meat….and 80 grams of fat. That’s up to about 2200calories. Then….I just didn’t stop. I shut down the lean meat…..but proceeded to literally eat over 300 additional grams of pure beef fat. Some from raw suet….some from raw beef marrow fat….some sawed off other lean meat cuts from my stash…..and unfortunately, at least 150 total grams (of the lean and fat) was the damn wild boar (pork!) that I bought a month or so ago. I should have thrown that shit out long ago!!

So….it was a shit ton of fat. Sorta’ like if you ate four sticks of butter and one medium to large size lean, raw beef patty. WTF????

Interestingly….I had fruit in the refrigerator (for next refeed)…..fruit and avocado and chestnuts in the freezer…..and glucose powder as well. I didn’t for a moment crave any of it. I just wanted more…..FAT.

My initial thoughts are…..there’s the chance I was mentally sabotaging myself. Fine. It’s a possibility. But I think more likely is….after seeing the damn scale say 69.0kg today (down from 70 yesterday)…..my mind decided it needed to take matters into its own hands. No more weight loss.

Smarter thing…..would have been for me to have stopped the training this cycle before things got so over the top. Overtraining begets poor sleep, which begets poor eating. Duh!!!

I’m curious…..the last time I overate on meat….it wasn’t as much fat…..it was more lean meat. I had “protein flu” the next day as I recall…..but no weight gain. However, caloric total was MUCH less, too. So…this time….I wonder how my tummy will feel tomorrow….and I wonder what the net impact will be on weight…..and I wonder if I’ll sleep well…..and I wonder if I will feel the need for a refeed still….with next one scheduled for 48 hours from now. Also, no chance to “burn it off” tomorrow….since it is….AND DAMN WELL WILL REMAIN…..a recovery day.

I want to weigh 70kg again (ok…..69.6 at the lowest)……on the day of (pre meal) a refeed). That’s my goal. But…..DAMMMMMMMMMNIT……I know that if I gain the weight as the result of a few binge meals….it will surely not be quality weight……and I will surely end up in sorta’ no man’s land as far as how I feel about the net result.

Two screw ups in three days. And even though this one didn’t include anything with which my body can make glucose…..for the luuuuuuuuuuuv of gawwwwwwwwwwd……I can’t imagine there won’t be some serious new fat being laid down over the next few days.

Must stop overtraining. It’s wrecking havoc on everything else.

4 sticks of butter…..(well, that’s the equivalent…..’cause I ate the same total but in the form of pure, raw beef fat). That’s some stupid shit.